I hate when it's time for bed and my brain just wont shut up and I have to blog about whats going on in my head so I can then go to sleep. Tonight is one of those nights so here I go, let me first say that I am in all means ok this is just what is going through my mind and it's good that it is happening cause it means my outlook is changing for the better. Or well that's what I take it to mean.
I honestly wish that after dad died that I never turned to food for comfort. That I had looked at the junk food in my hand and thought 18 years from now you will not be happy with your body if you eat this, you might feel better now but in the long run you will ask yourself why you did it. I wish I had listened to my mom all those times she told me that I didn't need to eat, that I was just bored or upset and that I was only hurting myself. Should of, would of could of. Oh how my life would have been different, or maybe not so much. Who knows.. I just know that as of right this minute I wish there was a magic pill I could take that would take away all this weight that I gained and make me healthier then I am.
I know it is going to take hard work and dedication and a complete change in life to get me where I want to go, I know that I have the strength to do it and the will power to do it. My problem is getting started then sticking with it I get so side tracked easily. I started out really well at the beginning of this year, I lost a lot of weight, then I went to California and once I came back I just stopped trying. I have tried a couple of times to get started but can't seem to get back on track again. I have gained a few pounds back, not a lot so that's good but still I gained. I'm not beating myself up over this cause what is, is. I can't change it, just learn from it and do better. I think if I had been Stricter with myself in California I wouldn't have done so bad, but it was vacation and I was having fun.
Winters up here are hard, due to lack of light and bitter cold temperatures at times, people tend to hibernate and stay indoors. I am one of those people, I love the winter and the snow but it's just to dang cold to go out and do anything. Plus I'm not all that well coordinated so I tend to fall A LOT in the winter due to ice or my own two feet. I'm proud to say I haven't bit it yet but we are only 1 month into winter.
Anyways, the things I have learned this year about myself are: I eat when bored, upset and mindlessly in front of the tv if I let myself, If my hands are busy I tend not to eat needlessly, if my mind is busy either reading or working on figuring out something like a counted cross stitch or knitting I don't eat, I do better when I don't bring junk food into the house, I do have self control and can manage to not eat all the junk food in one sitting for the most part. I love soda a little too much but am limiting my intake of it. I love tea doesn't matter if hot or iced, as long as I can have some equal in it I'm a happy chappy, I love eating apples, yogurt and smoothies, I can make a really good omelet and a not half bad pizza (yes I know pizza isn't good for ya), I love to cook and bake. The most important thing I learned about myself this year, is that I'm a good person and that as long as I don't beat myself down others wont either.