My mom while talking to a friend last month said something about me and it was the first time I had ever heard her call me that and it shook me to my core. Don’t get me wrong it was nothing bad but I just had never really thought of myself that way and now I can’t help but think it. She said “ you know she has always been sickly” I mean she isn’t wrong at all, I’m constantly sick with something it seems. I just never thought of me as sickly, when I think of someone being sickly I think of people with worse problems then me but I guess I fall into that category. I know I am considered high risk for COVID-19 even though we are pretty dang sure I had it back in December. Speaking of that, when I was recovering from my “unknown upper respiratory infection” I was talking to my mom One day and I said something along the lines of I was just tired, tired of being sick all the time, tired of fighting it. Mom said it was the first time she had ever heard me sound just utterly defeated and that I sounded like I had given up. Not going to lie I had pretty much given up thinking I was ever going to get better. Quarantine was super hard for me mentally too, I had been basically in self quarantine since December and then in March when I was finally better we had to quarantine to flatten the curve of COVID-19. It was extremely hard on me not being able to see my friends for months on end,
I went to see an endocrinologist last week to see about having Cushings and according to him I don’t. Within 5 minutes of walking into the exam room and just looking at me he said I had PCOS and that was before he ever laid a finger on me. It felt like because I wasn’t diabetic that he didn’t want to treat me. He just kept going on about losing weight and the different ways I can go about doing it. Another reason I was sent is because my testosterone levels had increased since my last blood test and every time I tried to bring that up he talked over me about losing weight. When he asked if I had any questions I finally for like the 5th time brought up my levels and how do I bring them down and shocker his answer was lose weight. I left feeling like I had just wasted an hour of my time and slightly more confused as to why my OBGYN sent me there in the first place. I have an appointment with her on Oct 14th to go over some questions I have about it and to try for the 3rd time to get my pap done... so on that front I’m kinda on a standstill till I see her again.
Still on the struggle buss about being sickly and accepting that I will always be on meds to help try and control my sinus and ear problems. I’m on 3 different allergy meds to help keep my ears and sinuses behaving. I have Eustachian tube dysfunction and otosclerosis in my left ear. Yep I’m a bundle of fun and damn near every time my ears act up I end up on steroids because my uvula decides to swell up and makes it so its hard to breathe. OH yeah and I have been told by doctors that I can be put on a nebulizer at home because when I get really congested and having problems breathing my O2 sats go down to low which is why I tend to randomly pass out and sleep for 30min-1hr at a time. My ENT calls me an enigma and I just have to laugh, doctors are told to not look for the zebra or the unicorn when trying to find out what’s wrong with someone and here I come, I am the zebra unicorn!!
