Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Hating Myself

I was hanging out with my friend Mandy today having a blast, until we walked into the Old Navy store at the mall. I try to avoid that store at all possible costs, along with the Gap, Hot topic, basically any skinny ass person store. There is no point in me going into these stores, their clothes won't fit me and well I hate the looks I get while I'm in there. That look of "what the hell is that fat lady doing in this store looking at clothes that won't cover her fat ass". But for Mandy I put on my brave face and not only went into Old Navy but Gap, Hot topic AND Forever 21 a new store here that you guessed it sells only skinny people clothes. I was hit in the face over and over again with size 0 - size 4 clothes that are insanely cute but that I will never fit in.

Needless to say my self esteem took a really big hit, I am hating myself and wishing I was some skinny ass person so I can wear the cute clothes instead of the fat ass who gets stuck wearing frumpy clothes because clothes designers feel that fat people don't deserve cute clothes. I don't see myself as pretty, I never have, I see myself as a fat cow. I am more desperate to loose weight now but I know I won't stick with it I never do. so here I sit a fat cow for life.


Jane said...

Aw, I'm so sorry. I feel the same exact way, but about other things. I look at people that don't have OCD or a sleeping disorder, or at people who have long-term relationships, and just envy their lives. But you have to remember that everyone has bad stuff in their lives. It's just a matter of remembering what you have that's good.

I so wish we lived closer. I need a workout buddy. I'm super unmotivated.


Eila said...

O dear-My friend- I give you uncommonly warm hugs. You do not need to look like these skinny chicks. They dont have bounce or oompf in their lives. Bones, skeletons ... NOT attractive. Besides, EVERYONE is beautiful in their own way. These stores along with media (magaiznes) try to convince people that are normal that they arent just to fit into a eutopic false image. Babes, you ARe beautiful!

KarnivalQueen said...

I am so sorry you feel that way.
I hate those stores too,not only because the clothes is basically for anorexic people,but also because I hate the so called styles.

I have gained some weight after having Chloe,but have embraced myself.I wish you and me were closer,because I would help keep you motivated and work out with you!

If you need me,I am here!