brain stew

It's 10pm and I'm the only one awake here, hubby has to go to work at 2:30am to do inventory for work. I have always had problems with him working nights, I never sleep well. It's not that I can't be alone cause I totally can be, it's the fact that he isn't in bed snoring next to me so something is just missing ya know? I have grown accustomed to him being there so when he's not it throws me off completely. Plus I will go to sleep here shortly only to have to wake up at 1:30 to make sure he is up and ready to go, then it will take me at least an hour if not longer to fall back asleep after he leaves. I'm thankful he doesn't have to do this more than twice a year now, it used to be every 3 months but work changed that.

I'm struggling with my weight loss journey, I was doing really well then faltered and am struggling to get back on track with it. A lot of that is that I'm home all day at the moment due to wanting to make sure I am 100% healthy and ready to go back out in the public full force. I will force myself out of the house after Spring Break for schools up here happens which is the second week of March. I know right now that I could totally go out and be fine. Rationally I know this, but I'm scared to fully take that leap of faith and do it. I was SO sick from mid-November till the end of January. I have never been sick that bad/long before. I honestly thought in December that I was going to end up admitted to the hospital for Christmas if I didn't get better or got worse. So, for now, I'm home and bored. When I get bored I eat. I'm trying so hard to get back on track but just keep failing. But every day is a new day and a fresh start, one of these days it will stick right? I know it will I just gotta be a little more determined and not sabotage myself like I have been. Don't judge me, you can't say anything that I haven't already said to myself, I'll get there cause I know I can, I just have to get over this hurdle of being afraid to get sick again.

That's all for now, it's getting late and I need to get at least a little sleep before I have to wake up and send hubby off to work. Thanks for listening, even though I don't know if anyone is actually reading this but me.