Saturday, January 10, 2009

random thought bubbles

Here I sit battling a very small case of heartburn.Just bad enough to keep me awake. So I have all these thoughts going through my mind why not type them out for all my friends to read. So here I go, this is my mind in a nut shell.

I keep thinking about my weight, how I want to loose most of it and how I need to loose it and what I can do to loose it. I had to cancel my gym membership due to the fact that in order to get health insurance we needed to make some adjustments in our monthly bills. We cancled cable and the gym which is what we needed to do now I just have to find a way to exercise in the apartment with out the walls crumbling from a hippo jumping around. I am starting to again watch what I eat but to make it work I need to burn more calories then what I eat. Any suggestions ??

I also of course as most if not all of you know want to badly to make Richard a father, he would make such a good one. this too relates to my weight but its in my head so there. I have this fear that it will never happen that I won't be able to have kids. His father isn't much help with this because he said at Thanksgiving that he has come to the realazation that he won't ever be a grandparent. It pissed me off so bad because one Richard and I have only been married for a little over 4 and 1/2 years and two I'm not even 30 yet and he is counting me out. My mom didnt have me till she was 31 so I still have time.

I need a job but when I get them I can't hang on to them because I get so overwhelmed by them that I get freaked out, or they say that I just won't work out and let me go. I got in touch with DVR and am going to go to an oriontation class on Tuesday and go from their with them. I hope I qualify for their services I think I do since I am hard of hearing. Maybe they know what I should do or what the hell is wrong with me and how I can get and keep and be happy with a job. I told Richard that I think the best kind of job for me is one where I stare at a computer all day entering in information in a cubical with no human contact where I do the same thing day in and day out. Only if I could find this job.

In three days my friend Diane will have been gone for 5 years. I still miss her to this day. I so looked forward to checking my email to see if I had one from her. Just this Christmas my mom got me a new chain for the necklace Diane got me back in 2002. The chain it was on broke over a year ago and I felt so weird not wearing it. I guess in a way wearing it makes me feel closer to her, like in a weird way that she is still around, like a piece of her is with me ya know? I need to still get a better chain for it cause the one I have now catches my hair really bad.

Those are the major thought bubbles in my head at this moment in time. they continue to tumble around aimlessly. Keeping me just on the verge of sleep. One of these days I hope to pop them all so I don't have to worry about them but till that day, they will be there just out of reach of the needle.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Just think how healthy a mommy that baby will have as you head toward your weight goal. Good for you! Keep us informed as to DVR. Oregon AuntK