If you really know me then you know how badly I want to have kids. Its in every inch of me, its all I think about and all I want. I want to know what its like to have a life growing in you to know that you made something so beautiful, so magical. I think about it waking up, going to sleep and time and time again durning the day. I am uber Jealous of the women who are pregnant or just gave birth, I am happy for them but I think why can't that be me, why can't I do that. I know whats stopping me, but I don't know how to change it. My weight is the major thing keeping me from my dream of being a mom. If I just lost the weight I know all would be well. ok I hope all will be well if I just lost the weight. I am going to try despreatly to loose the weight. I don't want to always hear the ticking of the hands of the clock of life slowly ticking away my chances of being a mom.
(I didn't write this for you to feel sorry for me, I wrote it cause its how I feel, I am the only one who can change it. I wanted to share what was on my mind, to show a part of me that not everyone gets to see. this is the part that I hide from everyone, I only let a few people into this part and I figure why not let my friends in on this part, they deserve to know. Please don't feel sorry for me, if anything be happy for me, I am at the point in my life where I desire change and am going to make it happen. It might take a while but I will get it done. )
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